My Son

Whispers from your mama

Dear John boy,

I don’t need to write ‘I hope you know how much you are loved right now.’ You soak up every ounce of affection we give you. Day or night. Your loving eyes show it all. When you grab my cheeks and tell me all the good stuff. I know. But I want you to know you are loved after we stop doing this.

You are 4. There are no rules about how long you can snuggle with your mama. Nothing wrong with wanting to marry me or telling me how safe you feel when we are together. I hope you do for a while longer! But this will change.

Right now, all you want from me is quality time. And that’s all I want from you. We are bursting at the seams just by doing that. It’s a simple time commitment that usually involves playing with cars, stickers, or snuggling watching a movie. But this will change.

I tell you that you are my favorite boy every day. I tell you “I love you so much” over and over. You say it back to me with such a twinkle in your eye. I don’t have to shorten it to ‘love you’ or find the right times to say it. But this will change.

I want you to know that the love I feel for you, my son, runs deep. Deeper than I knew possible. I love the affection we share now. No holding back. Just a boy and his mama. It seems all-encompassing right now. But this will change.

Change

As we grow older, we show our love to our parents in different ways. From my experience, the way I showed my mom I loved her didn’t change a whole lot as I grew up. I still held her hand, gave her hugs, cheek kisses, snuggled with her in her bed on weekend mornings, etc. I know that mother-son relationships do not retain that intimacy. The way I showed my mom I loved her didn’t change much.

Please know that as you grow and mature, I will always look for ways to show you that you are still my favorite boy. I plan to be your wildest fan in the bleachers, your go-to person for girl advice, and the one who always laughs at your jokes. Will it be bumpy? Absolutely. Can I figure it out? Yes! Your sister knows I’m willing to do just about anything to make someone feel supported. Just ask. Literally anyone.

For now, I will cherish the puzzle piece body contact nightly snuggles, the starry-eyed looks across the room, and you saying my “hi muma!!” and running into my arms every night you come home with Dad.

I am not sad about this future for us. Our bonding for the past four years will only continue to grow in different ways. I look forward to seeing what that looks like. But for now, I’m thrilled to be your favorite girl.

Love, Mom